Wondering whether your family’s officially plus-size? If you can relate to the below, I think we can safely say you have ‘arrived'.
1. Your tribe hunts as a pack
If there’s a bully in your midst, he’s mincemeat. Your tribe sticks together and has a sharp radar for each other’s business. Pick on this kid, and you’ve just challenged the whole wolf-pack.
2. You read the fine-print for ‘Kids stay, play and eat free deals
...and give a maniacal laugh... BIG mistake! Huge!
3. You have an ‘Injury Point Man’
The injury point man, or IP man, we call him… the child who runs interference between injured kid and parent. They’re the one who operates the family triage… where 000 is most likely your next move.
Communication with IP Man usually goes something like this…
’Mum? you know Levi?’
’Yes, I know Levi’
‘The one who CAN’T stop moving?’
‘Yes, I think I know the one’
‘Well, it turns out he CAN stop. And the tomato sauce on the brick wall? is not tomato sauce.’
We love IP Man. He’s full of surprises, is chief of communications, and never lets down the patient.
4. You do a headcount
There’s a large family heading toward you and you think ‘What’s with all those kids? That’s insane, but upon counting, you realize you have one more than they do!
5. You have a picnic rug to rival all others
Ours is known as Big Bertha. You could host a softball match on this wooly, tartan quadrangle.
Others gasp as we lay it down on the grass. On occasion, I’ve laid this out at somewhere like a Christmas Carol event, and the kids have promptly taken off to play. I lie like a sole starfish on it, wondering if others think I’m monopolizing the field.
6. You don’t care what the dress code is
‘Oh, it wasn’t a toga party?! I guess it is now.
7. Your family is mistaken for school vacation care
8. McDonald's is a health risk
If McDonald’s drive-thru brings on a borderline panic attack (for both you and the cashier), you’ve probably reached super-size.
Anxiety levels rise as kids shout out their orders and stress reaches fever-pitch.
You say to the cashier: ‘I’ll have eight soft serves, please’.
She says: ‘eight?’
Did you say, eight?
‘Eight soft serves?
‘Yes… that’s all’.
They’ll be melted upon reaching your bus :)
9. You have a bus but you can’t fit in with your kid’s friends because it’s already full
Sorry! pick-ups and drop-offs are for ticketed passengers only.
10. You can play team sports
No neighbours required for this sports comp.
11. You use multiple shopping trolleys
You don’t give it a second thought as you wrangle two trolleys through Coles. People ask: ‘Are you hosting a party? To which I reply: ’Yes. Every day’
12. You can’t stay in a hotel room
Hotel rooms and apartments are a thing of the past - you need to rent a house (& a big one) for that vacay.
If you can identify with each of the above, welcome to the world of Family-Big! We’re never quiet, we’re never clean, we’re never bored, we’re never lonely, but we’re the majority and the majority always wins!
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